


You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen

by Tails89



Series: Prompt Warmups [8]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tails89/pseuds/Tails89
Summary: “So now what?”Stiles shrugs. “I don’t know how to get rid of a body.” He crosses back to stand by Derek, nudging him towards the corpse. “You smelt it you dealt it."
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Prompt Warmups [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/935589
Comments: 6
Kudos: 120





	You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen

Stiles takes a moment to pat himself down and check he’s not missing anything important, like a leg or a spleen – he’s barely even bleeding, so he counts it as a win. Crisis averted he turns his attention to the crumpled figure on the worn linoleum.

“You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen,” he grumbles, wondering how the hell he is going to explain this one to his dad.

Derek wipes his bloody hands on his shirt. “ _You_ need to stop pissing people off.”

Stile’s mouth flops open and closed several times, like a fish gasping for oxygen. He points at the body with both hands outstretched. “You can’t seriously blame me for this!”

“I can,” Derek goes to the sink to wash the rest of the blood from his hands. “Because this is all your fault.”

Astonishment turns to outrage – Stiles pokes Derek in the chest. Hard. “ _You_ killed him.”

With an exasperated sigh, Derek grips the offending wrist to prevent Stiles from poking him again. “Because he was trying to kill you.”

“And I totally had it under control!”

“No, you didn’t. If I hadn’t heard and come downstairs-”

Stiles tries to yank out of Derek’s hold. “I would have been totally fine and there wouldn’t be a body in my kitchen.” On the third attempt, Derek let’s go and Stiles stumbles backwards.

“There would and it would have been yours.”

The light switch is across the room and Stiles has to step over the body to reach it. He flicks the switch, flooding the room with light so they can get a proper look at his assailant. Stiles recognises him as the man who’d confronted him in the Walmart parking lot earlier that day.

Dude was part of a group passing through the Hale territory and had been a jerk about Stiles being part of a wolf pack. For his part, Stiles had taken great pleasure in aggravating him further by explaining that no only was he in a pack, but he was sleeping with the Alpha.

“So now what?”

Stiles shrugs. “I don’t know how to get rid of a body.” He crosses back to stand by Derek, nudging him towards the corpse. “You smelt it you dealt it."

“That doesn’t-“ Derek shakes him off, not bothering to finish the thought. “Your dad’s a cop, haven’t you heard stories from cases or something?”

“Those stories are of people who got _caught_.” Stiles points out. “That is _not_ the example we want to follow.” He prods at the body with his bare toes. “ _Oh shit_!”

Stiles fails away from the apparently not-so-dead werewolf on the floor.

“He moved!” He prods the body again for good measure. “Not dead!” He turns to Derek, hand raised for a fist bump. Derek’s only half paying attention, going in for a high five and just sort of awkwardly shaking Stiles’ closed fist.

Stiles’ laugh rouses the unconscious werewolf.

“That solves one problem.” He watches on as Derek hauls the whimpering werewolf to his feet. “What are you going to do with him?”

“I’m going to send him back to his pack as a warning,” Derek addresses the cowering wolf when he speaks, “for what happens when you mess with my mate.”

He shoves the man out the front door. Luckily, it’s early enough in the morning that there is no one around to watch him hobble off.

When Derek returns to the kitchen Stiles is sitting on the bench, legs swinging freely. “That was kind of hot,” Stiles says, using his legs to draw Derek in closer. His nose wrinkles at the dried blood on Derek’s shirt. “Ugh, but you need a shower.” He looks down at his own ratty sleep shirt. “I need one too. We could save water, shower together?” He waggles his eyebrows and let’s Derek pull him off the bench and upstairs.

**Author's Note:**

> Moving some of my oneshots across from Tumblr. This was a prompt from @fanficmakesmehappy
> 
> If you want to send me a prompt, visit me on [tumblr](https://tails89.tumblr.com/)


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